The test was positive. I was shocked, scared, unprepared, and you name it. Caleb and I planned to wait two years before "trying" to get pregnant. We wanted to pay off all college debt, have a down payment on a house, and be more established in my career. I never dreamed that I would be pregnant after four short months of being married. I knew that God's plans were larger than mine but I didn't feel like that then. I was scared to tell certain family members. They would not approve of this. We told them, they had their reactions and their words. There were many people and family that were happy with this news but I wanted everyone's approval. What a hard thing to get. I am being honest and transparent when I tell you that my first pregnancy was hard emotionally. I felt like I wasn't in control and stuck. Like there was nothing I could do but surrender. Caleb and I stuck by each other. We were the only friends we had for awhile. Then the hardest trial in our marriage to this date happened.
Caleb was 110% certain that we were going to have a boy. I was not. I decided to learn what the baby's gender was at 20 weeks pregnant to avoid a potential shock after the baby was born. When the ultrasound lady said "girl" my heart raced, looking for Caleb's reaction. He didn't have one, and that's what I was afraid of. He didn't want to be picked up from work that day. "I want to walk home." Seven miles home. When he didn't come home, I went out looking for him. When I came back to our apartment after searching, there he was, in the dark, sitting under a tree. He barely talked and then when I confronted him, he said that he never wanted girls. He said that the son he thought he had was dead and that he had to deal with that and somehow have love for his daughter. I was devastated. I have never cried so much in my life. I could hardly get through a work day in one piece. I was so confused! How could my husband not love his baby just because it was a girl?? Didn't he see how much this hurt me? I saw no change for awhile. I prayed that Jesus would change his heart, I wept at His feet, and He came. He came in a big way and changed my husband's heart. And Caleb asked for forgiveness and fell in love with his first daughter. We named her Emarie (meaning universally loved).
Emarie is the reason I started writing these love stories. A few weeks ago, God spoke to me so clearly. As I was looking at her He whispered "aren't you glad I didn't wait on you?" If God waited for me to have my career in line, to have more money, to "be more established in [my] marriage" then this precious treasure would not be here! I also thought about my marriage. If God waited until I thought I was ready to be married then Caleb wouldn't be my man. God knows. He really does folks. Surrender your life to Him and see the magical things that He will do with it.
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