After walking in upset feelings for a couple days (and it seemed like those feelings continued to build with each passing hour since I felt that he should have been the one to address things) I spoke up before the sun had a chance to go down. I told husband that I couldn't do this anymore. That I felt like a single parent and that his job was taking over etc. etc.
He listened and responded.
"I don't like this either. I don't like being away from our kids and driving 3 hours a day. It's so hard and I can't do this without you. It's going to be a hard two years. When we are debt free then we are free and can live differently."
I told him that I was with him and his vision. But not at the cost of our marriage. We can either be stronger in two years or have a strained relationship.
At the end of the evening we were chipper and smiling and happy. My husband and I were not the only one's in the room that night. Jesus was there and I learned it's never good to walk in pride and in my own strength.
The next day I went to a homeschool convention. The very first session was on marriage and presented by the guy who wrote "Sacred Marriage". Here are my takeaways from that day:
1) God didn't put you in a marriage for you to be loved. Jesus already gives you all the love you need. He put you in a marriage to learn HOW to love and ultimately be more like Him.
2) Yep, you are God's daughter and He is your father but don't forget that your husband is God's son which also makes God your father-in-law.
This all happened in June 2014. We waited as people looked at our house and we looked in Fredericksburg for a new one.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Part 2 of Many
I think it was finally May before we finished the kitchen and were ready to put our first bought home on the market. Does anyone remember the picture that I posted of the counter top that was wedged between the kitchen walls at a tilt? haha! I was SO angry that night. We paid a guy to do the counters but he didn't show up so husband contracted his wife to help him put it in. I remember texting my SIL FURIOUS! Well, we finished it. Our dear Philly friends helped a TON in this whole process. I took the kids to live there on more than one occasion while Mr. Philly drive to Richmond to help husband. We were not alone for sure.
Husband found a fancy realtor in Richmond that was recommended by a coworker. He came, looked at our house and complimented us on the improvements. BUT he didn't believe that we would walk away without owing the bank. He didn't think it would appraise for what we needed to walk away without gain or loss. We remained steadfast though.
The house was on the market for two months and had a handful of views. In the process there was one offer WAY below what we were asking. I honestly felt offended. Like it was a personal shot at us after all that work. Sounds funny.
While the house was on the market for those two months, husband continued his job venture while I continued my wife, mom, and at-home-business venture. I really struggled, mostly because that belief that the new position took presidency over me. In May I went on a trip to PA and then to VT. I was gone for about 10 days while husband worked 15 hr days. When I got home, I remember preparing this meal with great hopes that he would be home in time for dinner since we were gone so long. When I called to see where he was, he was still sitting at the office, 1.25 hrs away. Kids were crying and I was crushed. I'm not writing this to reveal my husband's mistakes. I ran out of grace and was trying to rely on myself to push through it all.
When he got home, I was in bed and I had NO idea how to not "let the sun go down upon my wrath". Especailly when he didn't say a word when he got home. The next night he still never said anything and I decided that it was up to me to speak up.
Continued another day...
Husband found a fancy realtor in Richmond that was recommended by a coworker. He came, looked at our house and complimented us on the improvements. BUT he didn't believe that we would walk away without owing the bank. He didn't think it would appraise for what we needed to walk away without gain or loss. We remained steadfast though.
The house was on the market for two months and had a handful of views. In the process there was one offer WAY below what we were asking. I honestly felt offended. Like it was a personal shot at us after all that work. Sounds funny.
While the house was on the market for those two months, husband continued his job venture while I continued my wife, mom, and at-home-business venture. I really struggled, mostly because that belief that the new position took presidency over me. In May I went on a trip to PA and then to VT. I was gone for about 10 days while husband worked 15 hr days. When I got home, I remember preparing this meal with great hopes that he would be home in time for dinner since we were gone so long. When I called to see where he was, he was still sitting at the office, 1.25 hrs away. Kids were crying and I was crushed. I'm not writing this to reveal my husband's mistakes. I ran out of grace and was trying to rely on myself to push through it all.
When he got home, I was in bed and I had NO idea how to not "let the sun go down upon my wrath". Especailly when he didn't say a word when he got home. The next night he still never said anything and I decided that it was up to me to speak up.
Continued another day...
Saturday, November 29, 2014
New Seasons are hard - The Beginning
It all started last year when husband's larger ups at work began talking about a possibility in a huge jump for him in his career. When I first heard mutterings of a chance that he would be an office manager somewhere else other than Richmond, I quite honestly sort of passed it by. Change is inevitable right? We all go through it sooner or later so why should I really meditate on it?
I continued to live life while mothering my four bandits, there was plenty around to stay occupied. In December, 2013 changes really started becoming "real". We ripped out chimneys and walls and floors all in the attempt to make our house sell-able. We hired help...never. People helped and husband prooved his handyman skills.
When our kitchen was gutted, I remember really being stretched. Cooking dinners in the bathroom for two months (things take longer when you do as you have the moola) put me over the edge more times than one. I promised myself that I would NEVER complain about doing dishes in the kitchen again after this. "Stay positive Melissa! You have running water!" kept going through my mind. In the mornings I had to choose to have a good attitude which was hard. My poor husband was working his tail off at work and in our house and I couldn't shake that we were working so hard just to sell our place.
Then in March, 2014 husband started his new job as a branch manager and commuted to his new office 1.25 hrs from our house. This is when my attitude slipped further and further down the crabby lane. His days were so long and I was so tired and I didn't want to be a happy wife when he came home 15 min before the kids go to bed. I'm just being honest here. I believed that this new job came before me and failed to see that he was working for us. For our family and our goals.
To be continued...
I continued to live life while mothering my four bandits, there was plenty around to stay occupied. In December, 2013 changes really started becoming "real". We ripped out chimneys and walls and floors all in the attempt to make our house sell-able. We hired help...never. People helped and husband prooved his handyman skills.
When our kitchen was gutted, I remember really being stretched. Cooking dinners in the bathroom for two months (things take longer when you do as you have the moola) put me over the edge more times than one. I promised myself that I would NEVER complain about doing dishes in the kitchen again after this. "Stay positive Melissa! You have running water!" kept going through my mind. In the mornings I had to choose to have a good attitude which was hard. My poor husband was working his tail off at work and in our house and I couldn't shake that we were working so hard just to sell our place.
Then in March, 2014 husband started his new job as a branch manager and commuted to his new office 1.25 hrs from our house. This is when my attitude slipped further and further down the crabby lane. His days were so long and I was so tired and I didn't want to be a happy wife when he came home 15 min before the kids go to bed. I'm just being honest here. I believed that this new job came before me and failed to see that he was working for us. For our family and our goals.
To be continued...
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
The Rest of the Story
It was five days after my official birthday. My day went as usual and then at 4pm I heard a knock on the door. My babysitter was here! She came right in and handed me an envelope that said "open me" on the front. Inside, I found a gift certificate for a full body message and pedicure with a little note from the man of the house. "Go to this address. You only have 15 min so leave quickly." Oh my what a surprise this was!
On my way to the spa, I realized that I hadn't even looked at my nasty feet in weeks! It's winter, why bother right? There was no time to do anything about it. I would have to explain to the lady that this was all a surprise. When I sat down for the pedicure, the little lady took one look at my feet and said "Oh wow look at this! You have tiny little specs of dried polish on your toes! Oooohhh, I'm going to take care of this for you! And since you never get these, I traded the polish that you picked for a more fancy one."
Everything was wonderful. After being doted upon for three hours, I left the place where my man was waiting for me outside. He drove us to my favorite fancy cafe where we ate while gazing upon each other's eyes. He explained how he had all this planned for days but since my birthday was on Valentine's day week, the spa was booked. Man, did I feel silly. "You could have said something a few days ago to spare me the sadness!" He just smiled. I know even more now how much he is willing to go through to keep something a surprise.
Things are not always what they seem. But a happy birthday phone call is always appreciated! ;-)
On my way to the spa, I realized that I hadn't even looked at my nasty feet in weeks! It's winter, why bother right? There was no time to do anything about it. I would have to explain to the lady that this was all a surprise. When I sat down for the pedicure, the little lady took one look at my feet and said "Oh wow look at this! You have tiny little specs of dried polish on your toes! Oooohhh, I'm going to take care of this for you! And since you never get these, I traded the polish that you picked for a more fancy one."
Everything was wonderful. After being doted upon for three hours, I left the place where my man was waiting for me outside. He drove us to my favorite fancy cafe where we ate while gazing upon each other's eyes. He explained how he had all this planned for days but since my birthday was on Valentine's day week, the spa was booked. Man, did I feel silly. "You could have said something a few days ago to spare me the sadness!" He just smiled. I know even more now how much he is willing to go through to keep something a surprise.
Things are not always what they seem. But a happy birthday phone call is always appreciated! ;-)
Thursday, March 27, 2014
A Birthday Story, Part 1
I have been meaning to write this down for days and days. If you have children you'll understand when I say that there was a need every time I went to write. But the kids are all sleeping and Caleb is still at work. So I write.
I had a birthday in February. The twelfth to be exact and 29 was the year that I turned. My parents were here for a few days beforehand and flew back to Vermont on the morning of my special day. We had a party while they were here with tasty food and happy songs. They love to come every year on February 12th and they love to make a lovely dinner and sing a special song to me. It's quite nice.
When I woke up, I expected my husband to remember and say something right away. But there was nothing and my heart started to feel downish to some degree (sounds rather lame eh?). Let me say that I DON'T expect a lavish day all intricately planned out. I do however hope that the love of my life makes me feel loved on my birthday.
The rat race of the morning started quickly, I rushed through making eggs while he dressed the children. As he ran out the door he said "oh yeah, it's your birthday" and that was that.
The day went as it normally does. Schooling the kids, snack time, reading books, breaking up fights, helping with pottyish things...I so wished to get a phone call or email from the man of the house. I wanted to be remembered. But nothing. I felt forgotten. It started to snow pretty good that afternoon. Yay! Maybe Caleb will come home early since the roads will get bad and we'll have a nice night of him helping with dinner etc. But he came home late. When he walked through the door he said all excitedly "aren't you glad I didn't die on my way home!" No reply. I just kept stirring the pot the was in front of me.
The night went like this:
1) dinner
2) got the kids ready for bed
3) the grown ups got into bed
4) me asking "did you have anything planned today?"
5) him saying "nope, not a thing. Do you want me to rub your back?"
6) me = so mad that I just couldn't answer
I most definitely let the sun go down upon my wrath that night, unaware of what was to come.
To be continued...
I had a birthday in February. The twelfth to be exact and 29 was the year that I turned. My parents were here for a few days beforehand and flew back to Vermont on the morning of my special day. We had a party while they were here with tasty food and happy songs. They love to come every year on February 12th and they love to make a lovely dinner and sing a special song to me. It's quite nice.
When I woke up, I expected my husband to remember and say something right away. But there was nothing and my heart started to feel downish to some degree (sounds rather lame eh?). Let me say that I DON'T expect a lavish day all intricately planned out. I do however hope that the love of my life makes me feel loved on my birthday.
The rat race of the morning started quickly, I rushed through making eggs while he dressed the children. As he ran out the door he said "oh yeah, it's your birthday" and that was that.
The day went as it normally does. Schooling the kids, snack time, reading books, breaking up fights, helping with pottyish things...I so wished to get a phone call or email from the man of the house. I wanted to be remembered. But nothing. I felt forgotten. It started to snow pretty good that afternoon. Yay! Maybe Caleb will come home early since the roads will get bad and we'll have a nice night of him helping with dinner etc. But he came home late. When he walked through the door he said all excitedly "aren't you glad I didn't die on my way home!" No reply. I just kept stirring the pot the was in front of me.
The night went like this:
1) dinner
2) got the kids ready for bed
3) the grown ups got into bed
4) me asking "did you have anything planned today?"
5) him saying "nope, not a thing. Do you want me to rub your back?"
6) me = so mad that I just couldn't answer
I most definitely let the sun go down upon my wrath that night, unaware of what was to come.
To be continued...
Friday, February 7, 2014
Train Your Brain
So for the past couple weeks, I have been learning how to train my brain. Did you know that we have power over our thoughts and that we have the power to change our way of thinking??!! Holy cow, I feel like a light bulb went off in my head as I connected the "take every thought captive to Jesus" to this practical training. In the past, I read that verse and had NO idea how to actually take those not-so-good-thoughts captive. Sure, I knew that memorizing scripture was a good thing but how to actually apply it effectively as the "wow, what I have gotten myself into?" thoughts come in while chaos erupts. So I'm excited as I go through this Train your Brain season. I initially started the training because my leader highly recommened it but now I'm seeing that it's not only for business owners that are trying to achieve business goals. It totally applies to your everyday life and teaches you how to
a) Love God with ALL your mind
b) Take every thought captive
c) Put off the old, and put on the new (get rid of the old thoughts and put on edifying ones)
I am trying to be more aware of my thoughts and emotions. So the other morning I loaded up all the kids in the car. I asked Emarie to help Claire with her car seat. A couple seconds later, I hear cries of frusteration in the back. I started to feel frusterated and identified my thoughts before my feelings were "Seriously? this is not worth it!..." then I stopped myself and put on a new thought "this is a great opportunity to teach patience and teamwork! Hurray!" So we waited in the car until the girls persevered. We were late to our destination but it was all worth it.
More stories to come I hope!
a) Love God with ALL your mind
b) Take every thought captive
c) Put off the old, and put on the new (get rid of the old thoughts and put on edifying ones)
I am trying to be more aware of my thoughts and emotions. So the other morning I loaded up all the kids in the car. I asked Emarie to help Claire with her car seat. A couple seconds later, I hear cries of frusteration in the back. I started to feel frusterated and identified my thoughts before my feelings were "Seriously? this is not worth it!..." then I stopped myself and put on a new thought "this is a great opportunity to teach patience and teamwork! Hurray!" So we waited in the car until the girls persevered. We were late to our destination but it was all worth it.
More stories to come I hope!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Morning Email to Caleb
Dear Mr. Lange,
So far Elliott has had four pee accidents. Three were outside. Now he is toddling around outside with a snow suit on the outside and a buck naked body on the inside. Due to the lack of nonpeed on pants.
Elliott pooped out a bead this morning. When I announced it, Emarie asked "was is square with an 'o' on it?" Sure was kid. Apparently he thought it was candy yesterday.
When I let Elliott go outside for the millionth time after soaking himself again he says "mom's not mean! Mom is nice!"
When I gave Elliott and Claire some dot paints during Arts and Crafts time, Elliott was covered in red paint from the nose down. I guess it wasn't smart to give Miles a tubby in the kitchen sink while they painted. I stuck Elliott in the shower while he complained about his tummy boo boo. It's feeling much better now.
Please don't be alarmed by the bombs all over the house when you come home. I know you'll only notice the hot chick scrambling to get dinner ready as you walk in the door. Who cares about the toys all over the floor and the loads of unfinished laundry when a site like that is in your way? ;-)
So far it has been eventful. Thank you for working your tail off so that I could have these kind of memories forever.
Love,
Me
So far Elliott has had four pee accidents. Three were outside. Now he is toddling around outside with a snow suit on the outside and a buck naked body on the inside. Due to the lack of nonpeed on pants.
Elliott pooped out a bead this morning. When I announced it, Emarie asked "was is square with an 'o' on it?" Sure was kid. Apparently he thought it was candy yesterday.
When I let Elliott go outside for the millionth time after soaking himself again he says "mom's not mean! Mom is nice!"
When I gave Elliott and Claire some dot paints during Arts and Crafts time, Elliott was covered in red paint from the nose down. I guess it wasn't smart to give Miles a tubby in the kitchen sink while they painted. I stuck Elliott in the shower while he complained about his tummy boo boo. It's feeling much better now.
Please don't be alarmed by the bombs all over the house when you come home. I know you'll only notice the hot chick scrambling to get dinner ready as you walk in the door. Who cares about the toys all over the floor and the loads of unfinished laundry when a site like that is in your way? ;-)
So far it has been eventful. Thank you for working your tail off so that I could have these kind of memories forever.
Love,
Me
Sunday, January 5, 2014
A Christmas Miracle
So many gifts on Christmas morning were given to me. I have so much to be thankful for and so do you.
My littlest turned 6 months old on December 25th. Such a glory to my heart.
My littlest turned 6 months old on December 25th. Such a glory to my heart.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Did you know...
...that I woke up this morning to the sound of blaring Veggie Tales kid's music, fighting kids, and a crying baby. Caleb left for work early and I didn't wake up before the kids this time. I like our system of having the kid radio go off at their 7am wake time but today I wished against it. I rolled out of bed, half asleep and half dressed. When the kids saw me, the baby cried more, the toddler boy said "help please mom, help please mom, help please mom" (while unfolding his clothes in search of his dinosaur shirt), and the girls were fighting over who owned more dresses. After calming the storm (all while trying to keep my eyes open) I threw on the first pair of sweatpants and shirt that I could reach before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast. "Ahhh!" Then Caleb appreared out of nowhere! "What a Christmas miracle!" were the first words out of my mouth. "You go take a shower" were the first words out of his. It's pretty cool how grace shows up when you need it.
...that we're moving. Yes, my leader has accepted a promotion in Fredricksburg, VA. He starts next month. He will be commuting the 1.25 hr distance for awhile until we sell the house.
...that true friends offer to be your wet nurse when you have a nursing crises. I had an injury that later caused an infection that caused an ER visit that caused me not nursing on a side that caused a hungry baby and less production. I didn't even ask. My friend offered to pump for me while I healed. She has three little kids of her own on top of that. I cried on the way to her house to pick up milk as I thought about the gift of friendship. I am so blessed.
...that I'm trying to dream again. It's been hard for the past few weeks. The activities of today make it hard to hope and dream about what's to come. But I'm starting to again and it's fun.
...that chocolate mint, dark coffee, and brie cheese are the best. That's all for now...
...that we're moving. Yes, my leader has accepted a promotion in Fredricksburg, VA. He starts next month. He will be commuting the 1.25 hr distance for awhile until we sell the house.
...that true friends offer to be your wet nurse when you have a nursing crises. I had an injury that later caused an infection that caused an ER visit that caused me not nursing on a side that caused a hungry baby and less production. I didn't even ask. My friend offered to pump for me while I healed. She has three little kids of her own on top of that. I cried on the way to her house to pick up milk as I thought about the gift of friendship. I am so blessed.
...that I'm trying to dream again. It's been hard for the past few weeks. The activities of today make it hard to hope and dream about what's to come. But I'm starting to again and it's fun.
...that chocolate mint, dark coffee, and brie cheese are the best. That's all for now...
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