Feelings get out

After walking in upset feelings for a couple days (and it seemed like those feelings continued to build with each passing hour since I felt that he should have been the one to address things) I spoke up before the sun had a chance to go down. I told husband that I couldn't do this anymore. That I felt like a single parent and that his job was taking over etc. etc.

He listened and responded.

"I don't like this either. I don't like being away from our kids and driving 3 hours a day. It's so hard and I can't do this without you. It's going to be a hard two years. When we are debt free then we are free and can live differently."

I told him that I was with him and his vision. But not at the cost of our marriage. We can either be stronger in two years or have a strained relationship.

At the end of the evening we were chipper and smiling and happy. My husband and I were not the only one's in the room that night. Jesus was there and I learned it's never good to walk in pride and in my own strength.

The next day I went to a homeschool convention. The very first session was on marriage and presented by the guy who wrote "Sacred Marriage". Here are my takeaways from that day:

1) God didn't put you in a marriage for you to be loved. Jesus already gives you all the love you need. He put you in a marriage to learn HOW to love and ultimately be more like Him.
2) Yep, you are God's daughter and He is your father but don't forget that your husband is God's son which also makes God your father-in-law.

This all happened in June 2014. We waited as people looked at our house and we looked in Fredericksburg for a new one.

Part 2 of Many

I think it was finally May before we finished the kitchen and were ready to put our first bought home on the market. Does anyone remember the picture that I posted of the counter top that was wedged between the kitchen walls at a tilt? haha! I was SO angry that night. We paid a guy to do the counters but he didn't show up so husband contracted his wife to help him put it in. I remember texting my SIL FURIOUS! Well, we finished it. Our dear Philly friends helped a TON in this whole process. I took the kids to live there on more than one occasion while Mr. Philly drive to Richmond to help husband. We were not alone for sure.

Husband found a fancy realtor in Richmond that was recommended by a coworker. He came, looked at our house and complimented us on the improvements. BUT he didn't believe that we would walk away without owing the bank. He didn't think it would appraise for what we needed to walk away without gain or loss. We remained steadfast though.

The house was on the market for two months and had a handful of views. In the process there was one offer WAY below what we were asking. I honestly felt offended. Like it was a personal shot at us after all that work. Sounds funny.

While the house was on the market for those two months, husband continued his job venture while I continued my wife, mom, and at-home-business venture. I really struggled, mostly because that belief that the new position took presidency over me. In May I went on a trip to PA and then to VT. I was gone for about 10 days while husband worked 15 hr days. When I got home, I remember preparing this meal with great hopes that he would be home in time for dinner since we were gone so long. When I called to see where he was, he was still sitting at the office, 1.25 hrs away. Kids were crying and I was crushed. I'm not writing this to reveal my husband's mistakes. I ran out of grace and was trying to rely on myself to push through it all.

When he got home, I was in bed and I had NO idea how to not "let the sun go down upon my wrath". Especailly when he didn't say a word when he got home. The next night he still never said anything and I decided that it was up to me to speak up.

Continued another day...