Laying it Down

Yesterday. While I was driving my sick kids to the doctor, I was reminded that someone died for me. Someone came to this world to die and save me! I think we forget that a lot for many reasons. It's so hard to wrap my brain around that. Who would come from a totally perfect place JUST to save people? It's mind blowing actually. People are so forgetful. I am so forgetful. I focus on the bad, the things that I need to do, what the naked eye can see, and forget to remember what He did for me.

"I made you to die also"...

Man....this Christian thing is tough. And honestly, I didn't realize how/what dying meant until I was forced to serve the smaller than me. I'm not writing this to say that I now have it together. That I'm some mother Theresa. My children see that I need a savior just as much as they do (and so does every Saint past and present).

So we get to the Dr. My children have strep throat. I load all the sicklings back up and head to Target for some meds. And then my "dyingness" is tested. As I pull into the parking lot, the pharmacist calls.

"Mrs. Lange, we are currently out of your prescription, can I fax it to another store?"

I agreed for her to fax it to the nearest pharmacy (which is Walmart....I can't stand Walmart). As I'm pulling into Walmart (while my 4 month old is SCREAMING from the exhaustion of being toted around) she calls again.

"Mame, Elliott's presciption was just called in. We have enough meds for him but not for Claire and Emarie. And Walmart only has enough for two kids, not three..."

Me = mad. I wanted to say "Lady, do you have ANY idea what it's like to bring four little kids into a store, let alone four sick kids?!! You HAVE to be kidding me!" Instead I said something like "Mame, I have four sick kids. I will go to ONE store or NO store. Not TWO!". I wasn't a gracious Christian at that moment.

I took them all into Walmart. Where we sat 45 min waiting for the prescription  to be ready. There was a reason for it all. There were people to reach and offer encouraging words. God uses children to show love to people in amazing ways. His word is true, they are BLESSINGS even in sickness and even in Walmart.

Honesty

By the time 2 o'clock rolls around, the same feeling surfaces in my heart as the day before. I become tense, stressed, and plain annoyed that I can't do everything that I want to do. If everything doesn't go perfectly right for the rest of the day, I might not get it all done. I want to have dinner ready when Caleb comes home. I want to look like I haven't rolled out of bed and started the day without taking a shower. I want to feel less behind in my at home business. I want the beds to be made and children to be taking naps. As I strive to do it all and always come up short at the end of the day, my head hits the pillow feeling so unaccomplished.

And then the terrible thoughts surface...

"He shouldn't even expect dinner when he walks in the door!" (even though he doesn't and is always willing to help with whatever needs to be done when he comes home)

"I can't believe he expects me to do everything. Laundry, cleaning, home school, meals....My job is much harder than his..." (and then I'm not a happy cheery wife when he comes home from hours of drilling in the dirt in the hot sun)

"I'm not sure about having more kids."

Where do these thoughts come from? As I sit and reflect I believe it comes primarliy from a selfish and prideful heart. And a heart that wants to feel like I did something that matters. Something that I'm noticed for maybe? I was never asked or expected to do it all but I still feel like the world expects it. And I know I shouldn't care what the world expects because I am not of the world, just in it.

That's all for tonight. I don't have any revelations. Just honest feelings.

Two Months

Of watching my Miles Boy grow into a larger Miles Boy. Babies really do grow quicker as your family becomes larger. Our family can't get enough of him. He is so very loved around here as your can see.

We finally had a photo shoot of this growing family of ours. My sis-in-law took some marvelous ones. I especially like the look on Emarie's face.

 We celebrated 6 years of marriage! Wow, 6 years and 4 kids later. The average Joe would say that that's excessive. I say it was all in the plan ;-) Do you know why I love this lover of mine and father of my chillins? He lays his life down for us. Everyday. And He just makes life more fun.

 So some of you might be wondering where I've been and what I've been up to. I've been living life, and trying to do it at it's fullest. There are bumps here and there and days that seem to last forever that I wish would just end. But it's not hard to see that I've beyond blessed. And I don't deserve a single morsel of it.

Thoughts on Kids

Elliott woke up early from his nap so he plays with Emarie in the playroom with the door closed. When I say play, I mean crying while pounding on the door and yelling "DAAAADDY!!!!" Caleb isn't amused by this as he reads his Ted Decker book while lounging on the couch. We have noticed that our children are very needy when Caleb is home. They want constant attention and entertainment. We don't believe that we should ignore them while tinkering on weekend to-do lists but I do think they need to learn to entertain themselves a bit when daddy is home. After having some kids, I have learned that children need to be taught and guided to play alone. I know moms that start this very early with playpens or gates and set a timer while their child plays without mom and dad. I feel like I haven't trained enough in this area. Does anyone out there have some wisdom to share??

A little time to compare...

Caleb thought it would be fun to compare the 4 kids. Here is a picture of each child all around 2 weeks of age. Welcoming all opinions on who looks like who here. And I promise they all have the same mom and dad ;-)

Emaire Kipplyn

 

Claire Batel

Elliott Reuel

 

Miles Nuriel

A Birth Story

It was June 24th, 2013 and I was 41 weeks, 5 days pregnant. My body felt ready to have a baby so my midwife, Glenda came over, checked me and determined that I was a good 7cm dilated. After chilling for a couple hours to see if labor would progress, we all went back to bed to see if the next day would bring a baby.

Me, the day before my 4th born came into the world

On June 25th, we all woke up and wondered if it would be the day. Caleb stayed home from work because you never know just how long it will take a baby to come when you're at 7cm. We played in the kiddy pool, wandered around the yard, and mingled as a family in great anticipation.

 Us, on the morning of the birth

I decided to have Glenda come over in the afternoon to check me and strip my membranes (a method of inducing labor). At 3pm I was stripped and the contractions started. Not too strong but more regular. I walked in the heat to 7-Eleven to get Slurpees (Caleb's suggestion to help labor along) with the family, walked and stood, and knelt, and rocked. Anything I could do to keep the contractions regular. They came while I labored in my home, while my kids ran around with "Aunt" (my sista Haley!) and my husband encouraged (hence the 7 Eleven journey). Caleb and Aunt put the kids to bed around 8pm. After our goodnight kisses, Emarie jumped into bed saying "Have a good birth mom!" (So glad her idea of birth is a good one!)

At 9pm, I was checked again. I was 9 cm and baby's head was an inch from coming out. "We are ready when you are Melissa. You need to be ok with pushing your baby out. That part that you don't want to do..." my midwife encouraged.

 I then knew my body was waiting on me. I prayed and imagined holding my baby. The truth is, I just didn't want to go through the pushing and the out of control feeling. I began to accept and my body went into transition. Strong contractions came and I stood at the foot of my bed. 45 minutes of transition and my water broke. "I'm pushing out my baby!" It all happened so fast after that. I quickly got onto the bed and pushed a head out. Then out came a body, all while holding onto Caleb's arms quite tightly. When Glenda said "reach down and get your baby dad" my strong grip just didn't allow that to happen. Up he went on my chest while crying his first wails.

A Boy!

We have another son! He was 8lb 2oz and 20.5" long.

Our third homebirth was a wonderful experience that I will have forever. We are beyond blessed to have a great birthing team here in Richmond and hospitals close by if a transfer was ever needed.

Our children woke up in the morning to a new baby brother.

Welcome to the world my 4th born and 2nd son. We So love you!

Time

I sit here and write in my blog while my baby rests peacefully inside my womb at 41 weeks, +4 days. As the time passes by, people wait anxiously for any news of this he or she to make their arrival into this world. While I totally understand the excitement (I'm of course ready to be holding, cuddling, nursing, smelling, this child!) and the "are you in labor yet?" comments, I choose to rest and wait for the perfect time. I full heartedly believe that God has a perfect time for EVERYTHING. Even the exact moment of delivery. And I do see the medical side of "it's just not safe to let you baby bake inside you for more than 41 weeks!" and pregnancies are all unique and some do indeed need to be ended before nature takes it's course.

Why would it be nice to have this baby in the next couple hours? Oh the reasons!...

I'm huge
I'm tired
I hurt
I am inconvenienced
I am forced to give me!

but isn't that what we're called to do everyday even if you're NOT 41+4 weeks pregnant? Didn't Jesus call us to "die daily"?  AND he promises great rewards to those that are faithful. I know this reward is gloriously great and worth another day of hugeness.  I don't pretend to be happy and giddy with my physical state day in and day out. His grace takes me through the "I'm just through with this!" moments.

This baby belongs  to Him and He chooses the time. Not me and there is a wonderful peace in that.

Saturday

Saturday is a day to:

Relish in the backyard. To spend extra time picking lavender and thinking of ways to use it.

So far Caleb is the only one to take the initiative and make lavender lemonade. It's quite tasty I must say! Saturday is also a day to eat Popsicles until completely covered in blueberryness. 

Aren't they just delightful little offspring? It's crazy to think that another is on it's way in just minutes, hours, days! So I am trying to just "be" and enjoy these moments while at the same time chip away at little things around here before Lange baby 4 pops on out. Speaking of popping out, we are having another homebirth and I'm so happy about it. Yes, I am not exactly wanting to endure that familiar pain, but life is worth it. 

And there is a glorious plan for each one...

Mutterings

I thought that maybe labor was beginning last night as contractions continued every 4 minutes. But they didn't continue past two hours of breathing through them. I kept thinking that I wasn't ready to have the baby because my house was almost totally empty of food and there was no way I wanted to pop out a kid and have no tasty goodness to celebrate. Maybe labor will start up again on Saturday when I go buy some yummy things.

I love the 20 month old stage but sometimes I don't at all. While the girls play quietly with their blocks, Eliiott always manages to wack them on the head with a large piece. And oh the tears start to flow and mama wants to just hide in a cave for a few minutes.

We live in a very Mexican area of Richmond. On weekends the clubs boom with lovely Mexican tunes causing husband and I to wish we were in some very remote country area. But we do love the Mexican market right across the street from us where no one can speak english. Oh the food is GOOD and REAL mexican and CHEAP. I think I'll ask husband if we can walk there tonight ;-)

If I had $1000 to spend at Costco I would be as high as a kite. Can you imagine? Cheese, berries, chocolate, produce galore! I am thankful to go and get some of the items listed. Highlight of weekend.

What's your weekend highlight?

Feelings

I feel like being alone with no questions, no "can I have some water?" and no listening to fussing from tired and sick children. I feel like giving someone at Caleb's work a piece of my mind. Maybe that will get the message across that I'm tired of him working long hours and on weekends. I know I sound ungrateful. I should be thankful that he has a job and that he's working hard to support his family. But I'm not feeling thankful today.

I'm feeling annoyed, saddened, and tired of all the baggage that people bring to the table about my pastor. Don't people have lives? Don't they have something better to do than post junk on facebook? Don't I have something better to do than read it all? I'm done reading about it.

I'm feeling sad that a friend's little baby is in the hospital. Praise God things the surgery went well but it's beyond hard to watch your little child in pain. Pray for a full recovery and that everyone can return home soon.

"My Grace is Sufficient" for every situation. I do believe that, but honestly I don't "feel" it all the time. Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands in the air and saying "just come back now! I'm ready for heaven!" And I doubt He wants us to be comfortable here anyways. We need to be reminded that this is not our home. I am reminded today.

Adventures

On the way home from the chiropractor today, I decided to stop at the grocery store just to get ketchup for our hamburgers tonight. How can one possibily eat hamburgers without ketchup??! It was lunchtime. All three kids were hungry, so was pregnant mom, and mom was too tired to think about preparing lunch for all three hungry kids later. So we decided to eat some food in the dining area of the store for our lunch. Our table was next to a bunch of firemen; also eating their food. We were there, eating our yogurt happily and then my three-year-old starts yelling totally out of the blue. "I'm going pee!!! Oh NO!! My chair is wet! It's in my shoes!!". I grabbed my kids, left our cart of food, and ran to the bathroom while the guys all watched in silence.

So the ketchup adventure took over an hour. In times like these, you can only laugh and pray that God teaches you to put the Holy Spirit in control of your days. We got home and decided to play in the water while the spring sun heated our backyard to 90 degrees. By the time I helped the kids out of their clothes and into their swimsuits, cleaned a one-year-old poopy butt, and calmed a child after being sprayed by her older sister, I felt like collapsing. And that is what I'll do now while the kids are sleeping.

More about my life

The past few weeks have been nutsish. Caleb has been working like a horse (which is a blessing) and I'm reminded daily that I married a hard-working-hunk-of-a-man. My children are continually growing and learning the finer lessons of life. The woman of the house is trying to do her motherly and wifely duties while building my business. God is good. SO good and faithful. I feel like I need to be reminded to keep my priorities strait quite frequently lately.

But anyways, onto more exciting news. Caleb and I took our first vacation since our wedding. Two free tickets to Aruba! Who would pass that up! We stayed in the "natives" part of the island, far from the resort folk. We ate local food, talked to local people while we rode in PACKED bus vans, and did activities that pregnant woman are allowed to do. You will see from the pictures that we delighted in each other the whole time :)

out as a family

We went to BJs wholesale food store yesterday to purchase ingredients for my two-week-menu-plan. I usually like going alone, with just me so I can think and maybe stay on the budget that my husband so carefully plans. But the thought of leaving them all brought a missingness feeling to my soul. So, away we all went. While the rest of Richmond sang songs in church services.

When we got there, Caleb took the three little ones in one large cart, along with a filled box of Teddy Grams. They traveled thru the isles while I shopped, eating every last one. I checked out while my family wondered about. As I began to pay for our food, they joined me and that's when I heard a voice to my left shoulder. It was an ugly voice with a very annoying tone. "my, you sure make things complicated...But it's cute to have them all in one cart like that..." that is all I heard from his nasty face as he looked at my family. I usually try to say something kind in return but I was in no mood. Instead of saying what I really wanted to say ("I'm going to make your sorry excuse for a face even more complicated then it already is if you say another word. I would rather have my complicated life then yours any day...") I ignored his words and walked away.

So now you know. I don't always have loving thoughts towards those that look about with dumb comments. There are many moments that I'm not prepared to or don't feel like shining Christ's light. I learn from this and pray that I will have something wise to say next time.

Be Still

It has been a time of being still. Never leaving the house while fighting viruses that seem to be waging war in my home.  It started over a week ago with me. Coughs, aches, pains, tissues, tears from all the coughs, exhaustion. Then it was the kids. All of them. Fevers, coughs, and more tissues. The man of the home is well. We call him the horse because he is rarely sick. The poor fellow stayed home from work three days in a row to care for everyone else. When he went back yesterday, I thought it fitting to make him some pies. To say thank you and all.

Before the sicknesses began, I redid the dining room. I shall post pictures soon. Caleb blames it all on being pregnant. He is probably right.

Tomorrow is Caleb's birthday. 29!

We have two round trip tickets to use anywhere in the world that Airtran goes. We want to go somewhere before #4 comes. Any idea??!!

Random Rants

I am amazed at how undependable people are in general. Myself included. People busy themselves with an array of junk that distract them from other stuff that maybe should be more important. When I put all my hopes in people, I'm always let down. We are all flawed.

I LOVE that I can be home all the time. My goal is to only fill the gas tank up once per month ($100) and I really think it's possible. I'm thinking that I will go out every other week for food, once a week for bible study/social gatherings and then once for church. I'm not going to be legalistic by any means but I think it's realistic with my love-to-be-home nature.

Today I am trying to make Babkah. I've never heard of it before not but it looks really cool. You should try it too.

My credit cards are all cut up. I love cash.

I just started using mineral makeup. I'm never....I mean NEVER going back! Easy, natural, looks good...what's not to love?

My husband was grumpy last night. When I asked him why, he said that he wanted to buy me the Bosch mixer that I want but there is a bill that needs paying instead. He's a great guy.