Honesty

By the time 2 o'clock rolls around, the same feeling surfaces in my heart as the day before. I become tense, stressed, and plain annoyed that I can't do everything that I want to do. If everything doesn't go perfectly right for the rest of the day, I might not get it all done. I want to have dinner ready when Caleb comes home. I want to look like I haven't rolled out of bed and started the day without taking a shower. I want to feel less behind in my at home business. I want the beds to be made and children to be taking naps. As I strive to do it all and always come up short at the end of the day, my head hits the pillow feeling so unaccomplished.

And then the terrible thoughts surface...

"He shouldn't even expect dinner when he walks in the door!" (even though he doesn't and is always willing to help with whatever needs to be done when he comes home)

"I can't believe he expects me to do everything. Laundry, cleaning, home school, meals....My job is much harder than his..." (and then I'm not a happy cheery wife when he comes home from hours of drilling in the dirt in the hot sun)

"I'm not sure about having more kids."

Where do these thoughts come from? As I sit and reflect I believe it comes primarliy from a selfish and prideful heart. And a heart that wants to feel like I did something that matters. Something that I'm noticed for maybe? I was never asked or expected to do it all but I still feel like the world expects it. And I know I shouldn't care what the world expects because I am not of the world, just in it.

That's all for tonight. I don't have any revelations. Just honest feelings.

Two Months

Of watching my Miles Boy grow into a larger Miles Boy. Babies really do grow quicker as your family becomes larger. Our family can't get enough of him. He is so very loved around here as your can see.

We finally had a photo shoot of this growing family of ours. My sis-in-law took some marvelous ones. I especially like the look on Emarie's face.

 We celebrated 6 years of marriage! Wow, 6 years and 4 kids later. The average Joe would say that that's excessive. I say it was all in the plan ;-) Do you know why I love this lover of mine and father of my chillins? He lays his life down for us. Everyday. And He just makes life more fun.

 So some of you might be wondering where I've been and what I've been up to. I've been living life, and trying to do it at it's fullest. There are bumps here and there and days that seem to last forever that I wish would just end. But it's not hard to see that I've beyond blessed. And I don't deserve a single morsel of it.

Thoughts on Kids

Elliott woke up early from his nap so he plays with Emarie in the playroom with the door closed. When I say play, I mean crying while pounding on the door and yelling "DAAAADDY!!!!" Caleb isn't amused by this as he reads his Ted Decker book while lounging on the couch. We have noticed that our children are very needy when Caleb is home. They want constant attention and entertainment. We don't believe that we should ignore them while tinkering on weekend to-do lists but I do think they need to learn to entertain themselves a bit when daddy is home. After having some kids, I have learned that children need to be taught and guided to play alone. I know moms that start this very early with playpens or gates and set a timer while their child plays without mom and dad. I feel like I haven't trained enough in this area. Does anyone out there have some wisdom to share??

A little time to compare...

Caleb thought it would be fun to compare the 4 kids. Here is a picture of each child all around 2 weeks of age. Welcoming all opinions on who looks like who here. And I promise they all have the same mom and dad ;-)

Emaire Kipplyn

 

Claire Batel

Elliott Reuel

 

Miles Nuriel

A Birth Story

It was June 24th, 2013 and I was 41 weeks, 5 days pregnant. My body felt ready to have a baby so my midwife, Glenda came over, checked me and determined that I was a good 7cm dilated. After chilling for a couple hours to see if labor would progress, we all went back to bed to see if the next day would bring a baby.

Me, the day before my 4th born came into the world

On June 25th, we all woke up and wondered if it would be the day. Caleb stayed home from work because you never know just how long it will take a baby to come when you're at 7cm. We played in the kiddy pool, wandered around the yard, and mingled as a family in great anticipation.

 Us, on the morning of the birth

I decided to have Glenda come over in the afternoon to check me and strip my membranes (a method of inducing labor). At 3pm I was stripped and the contractions started. Not too strong but more regular. I walked in the heat to 7-Eleven to get Slurpees (Caleb's suggestion to help labor along) with the family, walked and stood, and knelt, and rocked. Anything I could do to keep the contractions regular. They came while I labored in my home, while my kids ran around with "Aunt" (my sista Haley!) and my husband encouraged (hence the 7 Eleven journey). Caleb and Aunt put the kids to bed around 8pm. After our goodnight kisses, Emarie jumped into bed saying "Have a good birth mom!" (So glad her idea of birth is a good one!)

At 9pm, I was checked again. I was 9 cm and baby's head was an inch from coming out. "We are ready when you are Melissa. You need to be ok with pushing your baby out. That part that you don't want to do..." my midwife encouraged.

 I then knew my body was waiting on me. I prayed and imagined holding my baby. The truth is, I just didn't want to go through the pushing and the out of control feeling. I began to accept and my body went into transition. Strong contractions came and I stood at the foot of my bed. 45 minutes of transition and my water broke. "I'm pushing out my baby!" It all happened so fast after that. I quickly got onto the bed and pushed a head out. Then out came a body, all while holding onto Caleb's arms quite tightly. When Glenda said "reach down and get your baby dad" my strong grip just didn't allow that to happen. Up he went on my chest while crying his first wails.

A Boy!

We have another son! He was 8lb 2oz and 20.5" long.

Our third homebirth was a wonderful experience that I will have forever. We are beyond blessed to have a great birthing team here in Richmond and hospitals close by if a transfer was ever needed.

Our children woke up in the morning to a new baby brother.

Welcome to the world my 4th born and 2nd son. We So love you!

Time

I sit here and write in my blog while my baby rests peacefully inside my womb at 41 weeks, +4 days. As the time passes by, people wait anxiously for any news of this he or she to make their arrival into this world. While I totally understand the excitement (I'm of course ready to be holding, cuddling, nursing, smelling, this child!) and the "are you in labor yet?" comments, I choose to rest and wait for the perfect time. I full heartedly believe that God has a perfect time for EVERYTHING. Even the exact moment of delivery. And I do see the medical side of "it's just not safe to let you baby bake inside you for more than 41 weeks!" and pregnancies are all unique and some do indeed need to be ended before nature takes it's course.

Why would it be nice to have this baby in the next couple hours? Oh the reasons!...

I'm huge
I'm tired
I hurt
I am inconvenienced
I am forced to give me!

but isn't that what we're called to do everyday even if you're NOT 41+4 weeks pregnant? Didn't Jesus call us to "die daily"?  AND he promises great rewards to those that are faithful. I know this reward is gloriously great and worth another day of hugeness.  I don't pretend to be happy and giddy with my physical state day in and day out. His grace takes me through the "I'm just through with this!" moments.

This baby belongs  to Him and He chooses the time. Not me and there is a wonderful peace in that.

Saturday

Saturday is a day to:

Relish in the backyard. To spend extra time picking lavender and thinking of ways to use it.

So far Caleb is the only one to take the initiative and make lavender lemonade. It's quite tasty I must say! Saturday is also a day to eat Popsicles until completely covered in blueberryness. 

Aren't they just delightful little offspring? It's crazy to think that another is on it's way in just minutes, hours, days! So I am trying to just "be" and enjoy these moments while at the same time chip away at little things around here before Lange baby 4 pops on out. Speaking of popping out, we are having another homebirth and I'm so happy about it. Yes, I am not exactly wanting to endure that familiar pain, but life is worth it. 

And there is a glorious plan for each one...